The Desperate Need to Control
Since this book is about different limiting beliefs that take away a good life from millions of people, you might ask how control is related to that theme. I included this, because problems with control could tie in with various fears and the belief of being powerless.
How many people do you know who have a strong need for control? From micromanagers to controlling spouses, parents and siblings, we can find many different forms of it. Some people use money to control others and situations. Some people use indirect and manipulative language creating guilt and fear to do the same; some even use physical force.
Why is it that the majority of people is so desperate to control, while there are only a few really happy and successful people who are calm and composed, having everything “under control”?
People who have a need to control are running very deep subconscious fears without realizing it. They spend a lot of energy trying to control others and outside circumstances. There are different things missing in their lives and “control” is a substitute for those. How could we find out what is missing? It is not always a simple one step process, and it’s difficult to see yourself when inside of your own box. I will give you some questions to ask yourself in order to find the answers.
We have been taught most of our lives to have an outwardly focus, where we interpret events and circumstances as if they were out of our control. We habitually point the finger at the outside world and believe that things happen accidentally to us. With this perspective, we took ourselves out of the game and forgot our own influence.
And remember that your thoughts, emotions and beliefs create your reality and the experiences for you. In this book I am showing you how you can change what you do not like, so that you can attract what you want!
Whenever we see someone controlling (or when we catch ourselves doing that) we can ask ourselves “What is my mind afraid of?” Another couple of really good and unusual questions to ask are: “What benefits am I getting when I control?” and “What will be missing when I do not control?” This previous sentence is a type of language pattern that helps pull out some of our deeper beliefs.
The mind never does anything without a benefit even if it appears to be negative at first. It can create the “need to control” to give someone “power,” “importance,” “significance,” or “safety” when they control others or situations. In each case, the person is likely to have issues with Love and Trust at the subconscious level!
People don’t say, “I want power” when they feel powerful. They don’t say they “I want to be important” when they actually feel that way. They only say “I want to be significant” when they feel insignificant.
They only say these things because they are lacking them. Our words can unlock significant messages that often exceed our immediate understanding!
Every human is motivated by higher guiding principles, such as: Love, Significance, Purpose / Contribution. If there are limiting beliefs like “I am powerless” “ I am not important,” and “I am not significant” the mind will go out of its way to signal these conflicts to us as they violate Universal Laws and hinder us from our mission.
The mind creates messages for us, sometimes in the form of negative emotions and pain, and even through strange behaviors.
The need to control also creates negative emotions such as anger, resentment, fear, and hurt, which diminish the quality of life.
If this applies to your life, you can understand what your mind is telling you by asking these questions:
“What is my mind afraid of?”
“What benefits am I getting when I control?”
“What will be missing when I do not control?”
Write down your answers. You might get several of them. Capture your thoughts and pay attention to the logic your mind shares with you.
From the book: Mastering Your Mind